Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Preparation Day 4
What really stood out today was listening to three adoptive parents talking about their experiences adopting. It was a privilige to hear their stories - the good and the not so good - the waiting, the frustrations, the tears and the laughter. They had very different stories, but some common threads... the intrusion of the home assessment; the frustrations in waiting for a match; the heartache of being truned down by a child's social worker in favour of another couple; the range of emotions when you visit your new child, and eventually take them home...
So, what now?
We now wait for a letter from the adoption agency inviting us to make a formal application - hopefully in the next few weeks. We then formally apply.
We're then assigned a social worker, who will come and visit us over a 4 or 5 month period - to get under our skin, find out what makes us tick, and measure us against the national competencies - and hopefully come to the conclusion that we are suitable to be adoptive parents...
So come late spring / early summer, we should be going to the adoption panel for approval as adoptive parents. Then the matching process starts - which could take weeks, months, or longer...
So, I think it feels like we've taken another small step on the journey towards parenthood. But there is a long way to go yet... one small step at a time!
Monday, December 03, 2007
Preparation Day 3
We had an encouraging morning discussing issues of attachment - what kind of problems children may have attaching to adults and forming trusting relationships, and what kinds of things we as adopters can do to help children form good attachments...
One of the adoption social workers then talked to us about child development, with the help of a giant Bob the Builder...! We discussed the different stages of children's development, and likened this to building a wall, with foundations formed at an early stage. We discussed what would happen if some of the foundation bricks were missing, as can be the case in children who are looking for adoptive parents. And we thought about our role in rebuilding these missing bits of foundations, to give the child the best possible chance in life. A bit of a scary prospect!
In the afternoon we discussed issues surrounding an adopted child's identity - and the struggles many of the children have - 'where do I come from', 'why was I not wanted', 'do my birth parents think about me'... and the struggles many adopted children have with birthdays - and the memories these bring...
Then we had the privilige of listening to an adopted person talk about their experience of being adopted - though adopted in the 60's when the process was very different, his thoughts and feelings were really useful to hear... and gave us loads to think about in terms of parenting style and the need to be really open with our future children about their adoption.
On reflection, a positive day, but lots to think about!
Day 4 tomorrow.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Dreamy Spires
It was so cold... but we found a lovely coffee shop on the corner of Queen's Lane!

Andy, Mrs D and Rose outside Christ Church

Christ Church

Bicycles...

Spires...

Bridge of Sighs... not the original though!

Martyr's Cross

Burnt for their faith...
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Preparation Day 2
We had four sessions.
The first was lead by a lady from CAMHS, talking about separation, grief and loss - we thought about the losses a child has - at a time when we are thinking about a gain (having a new child in our family), the child is experiencing grief and loss - of their foster carers, their bedroom, their friends, etc... We thought about how the child would be feeling, and what their behaviour might be as a result - and the various stages of grief. We also thought about other losses the child might have experienced in their short life - many moves, places where they've stayed and people looking after them - and the effects on them.
The second session was all about health issues - it was lead by a community paediatrician. We thought about health issues for the children who are currently being looked after - effects of neglect, alchohol and drugs during pregnancy, possible inherited conditions from birth family. We also thought about our health and things which could affect our ability to adopt - and the effects on our health post-adoption!
After lunch, we looked at issues relating to the children who are waiting to be adopted - what kinds of experiences they might have been through to mean they are in the position they are... we had to think about different types of abuse - neglect, emotional, physical and sexual - and what kind of things these children may have experienced under each heading... this was particularly difficult to do - some things really don't bear thinking about... And then we had to start to think about what kinds of problems / issues we would be able to manage - would we consider a child with mild learning difficulties? What about a child whose mother has schizophrenia? Or a child with hearing problems? Or a child with ADHD? Or autism?
Then we looked at what kinds of behaviour a child may exhibit, having been through these experiences - and how things we may do and think are totally normal may set off reactions we don't expect in children... We finished off looking at 'safe care' and what that means - making sure that we care for the child in a sensitive way - sensitive to their previous experiences. And also that we are safe as we look after the child - particularly thinking about the possibility of a child making allegations against you - and ways to make this less likely.
All in all a really difficult day - lots of difficult issues to think about. It would be easy to let it all become overwhelming... but we need to keep it in focus - these are all the worst possible things / experiences / issues / behaviours - and no child is going to have all of these!
We now have the rest of the week to reflect and think about what we've learned and discussed - so a bit of breathing space before next Monday / Tuesday when we have the rest of the preparation.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Preparation Day 1
We joined 4 other couples for the day in Durham - all of us a bit apprehensive and wondering what it would be all about.
We looked at the adoption process in England - the journey children go on from first coming into contact with social services, through care orders, placement orders and finally adoption. We were told about the different types of care for children, including special guardianship, long term fostering, and adoption really as a last resort.
We looked at what the journey would be for us - after the prep days comes home study, which will be a series of about 12 or so fortnightly visits - in parallel our social worker will visit our referees, and also will want to see us interacting with children (do they really want to come to Kidz Klub??!) - this all gets written up into a large tome which is presented to the adoption panel - hopefully to approve us as adoptive parents - around late spring / early summer next year. We then wait for the match - which takes as long as it takes!
We thought about what a child would say, having been with their new family for about a year, when asked how they knew that they were loved.... words along the lines of 'they spend time with me', 'they do what they say', 'they help with my homework', 'they're still there even when I'm naughty', 'they kiss me better when I'm hurt'...
And we thought about some of the things which were specially important when parenting an adoptive child - the importance of praise and encouragement, of being reliable and consistent, and the need for a constant shower of warmth, love and affection - all things which would apply to any child, but even more so when they have experienced loss, grief and huge upset in the past.
We thought about what our lives were like now by apportioning a typical 24 hours... and then thought about that same 24 hours with a child in our family - very different!
There's lots more to come tomorrow and then next week too. But it feels like things have finally started to move forward, albeit slowly... but there's a long way to go!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Mrs D's knee - another update
Mrs D has been poking and prodding her knee, and it would appear that the very tender and painful bit on the outside of her knee is no longer very tender and painful.
Yes, she has pain from the two holes in her knee, but it seems the previous pain is gone. Quite amazing, given that the doctor simply washed it out...
We don't want to get our hopes up, but definitely a large step (boom boom) in the right direction!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Mrs D's knee - update
He looked around a bit, looked some more, poked, prodded and looked one last time.
Nothing.
Well - apart from a healthy knee, that is.
No torn bits, missing bits, stretched bits.
Nothing.
He flushed it out (this conjures up garden hose to me...).
So Mrs D is back home, on the sofa.
Perhaps her knee will get better now. Perhaps not.
She's to go back in a couple of weeks to see Mr P.
And some physio between now and then.
So we have to wait and see.
Any suggestions as to what might be causing so much pain on the outside of Mrs D's right knee, would be gratefully received.
Just add a comment.
There will even be a reward for information leading to a successful diagnosis!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Mrs D's knee
It's been sore since the middle of August.
She says it started during white water rafting
on the Fraser River in British Columbia.
She's seen her GP umpteen times,
and eventually saw Mr P.
A consultant - he diagnosed
a torn lateral miniscus -
but the MRI didn't agree!
The consultant
described her
as
a
mystery...
Four weeks of physio followed -
different exercises every week.
But these just made her knee sorer
So back to see Mr P.
Now all of this was on BUPA
Because my company decided to pay...
Mr P decided to operate
But no spaces till mid December!
Now this is quite unsatisfactory
'Enough is enough' said Mr P.
So he found some space at Hexham
On the NHS - much quicker you see!?!
So tomorrow, Mrs D
will have an arthroscopy
to see
what Mr P can see.
Hopefully he'll find the problem
And fix it good and proper.
Then Mrs D will be back at work -
you just try and stop her!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Jesus isn't Christmassy any more
I only went in for a book token.
They had some difficulty finding a suitable non-Christmassy card for the aforementioned token... flicking through the pile, the employee of Waterstones stopped and said, 'How about this one - it's Jesus... he's not Christmassy any more, is he!?'
Well, there you go.
So what is Christmassy these days?
- Queuing for hours at every shop from mid-October to get the essential presents?
- Massive debt?
- Turkey? Tinsel?
- The Sound of Music?
- Snowmen? Santa Claus?
These words by Chris Rice say it really well...
Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You’ve been promised, we’ve been waiting
Welcome Holy Child. Welcome Holy Child.
Hope that you don’t mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long awaited Holy Stranger
Make yourself at home. Please make yourself at home.
Bring your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled.
World now breaking Heaven’s silence
Welcome to our world. Welcome to our world.
Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born. Unto us is born.
So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God. Perfect Son of God.
Welcome to our world.
RIP Virgin Cross Country


For as of tomorrow, the route is taken over by no less than the mighty Arriva Cross Country...
Same trains; same liklihood of getting cut in two by the automatically closing doors at the carriage ends; same problems working out whether the toilet door is locked or not; same scrolling digital display above every seat; same staff; same track; same signals; same timetable; same opportunity for delays...
New train colours; new uniform; no doubt new (higher) prices; new script for the endless announcements before and after every station....
Will I be able to tell the difference next week?
We'll see!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
4 and 20 blackbirds - OK - just one
Mrs D and I were sitting in the sitting room this afternoon (as you do after Sunday lunch, letting the roast chicken digest), admiring the newly decorated walls which were finished on Thursday, when we heard a strange scratching sound coming from the direction of the chimney. Doglet started to take an interest in the sound, and we thought we had better investigate too.
We have a flappy lid thing which comes down to close off the chimney and helps prevent draughts. This was flapped down, and so whatever was making the scratching sound was standing on top of the flap.
On analysis of the sounds, we concluded that a bird must have fallen down the chimney and was now flapping about trying to get out of what must have seemed like a very deep dark pit.
So - 2 options....
1. leave the bird to flap around, perhaps find its own way out, or die (possibly roasting it when we next light the fire)
2. open up the flap and try to catch the bird as it comes out
We went for Option 2.
So, armed with an old duvet cover, we 'sealed' the fireplace. Mrs D then opened the flap and tried to coach the bird out. It wasn't for coming, but Mrs D managed to find its legs, and with a bit of persuasion, the bird dropped out, into the duvet cover.
Unfortunately we hadn't sealed the duvet cover properly, and the bird got free.
We now had a blackbird flying round the sitting room, feathers and soot flying everywhere, dirty black marks all over the newly painted walls, doglet jumping around trying to catch it.
Not exactly what we had intended!
We opened the patio door, and eventually doglet chased the blackbird outside.
First task for tomorrow morning?
Phone the chimney man and get a mesh installed over the chimney pots!
Friday, October 05, 2007
Preparing for preparation days
I'm really glad we finally have some dates to focus on as the next step in the process, but a little disappointed that it is so far off. We had hoped to have had these days already, but things haven't worked out that way.
As far as we can work out, these days will prepare us for what adoption is all about - what the children we might get may have been through, and the kinds of behaviours they might exhibit, and why... I guess it's a bit of a reality check, and is designed to sift applicants to make sure we are absolutely sure this is for us, and for the adoption agency to get a better impression of the kind of people we are...
Then after these 4 days we will be linked to a social worker, who'll visit us for a couple of hours each week for a couple of months - gaining a full understanding of who we are and the kinds of children we could take on...
So lots more ahead of us, but things are starting to move forwards... We're just so glad that God goes before us preparing the way - knowing we're held firm in his hands is so reassuring!
I'm back...
But I'm back now, and hopefully things will be a bit more regular...
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Lofty mountain granduer
Angel Glacier, Jasper National Park
The glacier tumbles down from Mount Edith Cavell, and looks very like an angel with arms outstretched...
Lake Agnes, Banff National Park
This is about an hour and half's walk above Lake Louise
There's a lovely tea shop next to the lake - a just reward after the walk uphill!
A glacier tumbles down from the Columbia Icefield
The Columbia Icefield is one of the largest masses of ice outside the polar regions, and is the source of water for three oceans - the Arctic, Atlantic and Pacific!
Castle Mountain, Banff National Park
The top of Whistler Mountain in Jasper National Park
Elevation: 8,100 ft (we took the gondola rather than climbing!)
The Athabasca River is in the background, with the Queen Elizabeth range of mountains behind.
View from the top of Sulpher Mountain, Banff National Park
Elevation: 7,400 ft (again - there's a gondola!)
The views from here are incredible - mountains for 360 degrees!
Peyto Lake, Banff National Park
The water in many of these lakes is vivid green / blue because they are fed by glaciers. The glaciers crush the rock underneath them, making a very fine rock flour which is deposited in the lakes, and stays in suspension - absorbing all the light except green / blue.
Spirit Island and Maligne Lake, Jasper National Park
This is one of the best views in the Canadian Rockies...
Lake beneath Mount Edith Cavell, Jasper National Park
Just look at the colour of the water!
Wildlife in the aquarium
Jellyfish
These are spectacular... Luckily we didn't stand on any at the beach!
Sea Otters
These are the cutest things - they lie on their backs all day floating around, washing themselves... and holding hands so they don't lose each other. There is a fantastic video of them on youtube (not mine, I'm afraid) - have a look...
Beluga whale
This is an amazing creature - with advanced sonar to find its way, and loads of blubber to keep warm. It also has a smile on its face too!
Canadian wildlife
Bald eagle
These are everywhere - there were a pair nesting in the garden of one of our B&Bs - they have a white head and bright yellow beak.
Big horn sheep
This was one of about 12 which decided to cross the road in front of us in Banff.
Black bear
We went bear watching in Tofino and saw 10 - they come down to the shore at low tide, turning over the rocks to look for crabs. We saw a couple more beside the road on our travels too.
Ground squirrel
They look a lot like chipmunks, but apparently aren't related at all. They were everywhere we went and are particularly tame - it must be the Japanese tourists feeding them muffins!
Hump back whale
We went whale watching from Victoria, and watched this humpy for an hour or so.